By Marty Epstein
Marty Epstein, M.S., a coach, mediator, trainer in both “Effective Conversation” and “Non Violent” communication, will be leading a five-session workshop in effective communication starting November 19. Visit the class page for more.
I just blew it! Tensions were high in the household. Our cat Flower had been very sick for the last week. I had said in a moment of frustration to my wife who has been hand feeding Flower and preparing her medicine, “nothing you are doing is working.” At the speed of light I noticed her eyes freezing, a stare that cut to my gut. I noticed my body tensing, my breathing had stopped and knew that she was triggered BIG TIME.
I had a enough presence of mind and nervously asked her to sit down on the couch with me and I said “tell me everything.” She began, sound coming towards me like a roar as if it were Kali, the Hindu mythological goddess who has blood dripping from her mouth and a garland of skulls around her neck. She was telling me loudly all the ways I was not there for her. It was strong and fierce… so difficult to hear. I was squirming inside. I also remembered to breathe and listen. I was taking in everything. I could identify with everything she was saying as I sat quietly, looking into her eyes, staying connected. I understood she was telling me all that which was painful for her and she was showing me pieces of me that I have not been aware — not easy at all.
After about 15 minutes she shifted from me to the other parts of her life and then going deeper speaking her pains, regrets and her childhood hurts. I have not said a single word and I am feeling so connected to her. As she continued, I noticed my tears were matching hers. I believe forty-five minutes had passed and I didn’t say a word. My heart was so open. She paused, took a deep breath and exhaled. No more words, with tears in her eyes, she softly said, “This is the best conversation we ever had. I feel so close to you”. It was so true. I too felt so close to her and the intimacy was so amazing.
“Peace doesn’t require two people; it requires only one. It has to be you. The problem begins and ends there.” ~ Byron Katie
In my class “Effective Communication to Repair & Deepen Relationships”, November 19th at 6pm, we explore the power of empathic listening. We will practice and experience that the separation and disconnection we feel from others and our self is that, in the moment, we are believing a stressful thought. The class will introduce you to The Work of Byron Katie, inquiring into these thoughts that create suffering in our lives. After years of doing The Work I have found the love of my life. I am delighted and excited in supporting you in finding the same.