Andrew Vidich is leading Mindfulness Training.
By Andrew Vidich
Over the years many people have asked me about how to deal with the difficult people in their lives as this is the first place we often get stuck. The first thing we should realize is you are not responsible for their behavior. You are only responsible for your own. If somebody is a problem for you, it’s not that they should change, it’s that we need to change.
If they’re a problem for themselves that’s their responsibility. If they’re causing you trouble that’s because we still have our own issues with them. We are not free. When Christ was being crucified, and he said “forgive them, they don’t know what they’re doing”, they’re not a problem for him, he’s trying to get them out of being a problem for themselves, because he’s clear.
Our job is to be clear of all ill-will, hatred, and backbiting in our own selves. This is real mindfulness. In ideal situations you would clear yourself within the situation, but very often the layering of issues is so thick we can’t do that. These are the places we need to work to be completely free completly present and open. This is where we need to reflect deeply and see why we are getting stuck here and keep repeating the same old mistakes.
This is why the work requires patience and perseverance. We need to be constantly mindful. Keeping a daily diary is very useful. We need to see and observe our behavior on a daily basis. Once we have seen our weaknesses we need to identify the reasons why we still get stuck. What are the underlying beliefs which keep us stuck? We begin to watch the mechanics of what it is that makes us lose it all the time. Once we get a more objective picture we can reframe and refocus what is going on. We can begin to appreciate the lessons which are being offered to us. They are really gifts when we are ready to change.
This is our real work our most personal work which only we can do. This is where we need more mindfulness, more compassion for others, more self-reflection, a deeper understanding of our own toxic beliefs, conditioning and reactive habits. This is where we need to cultivate a forgiving heart and intuitive wisdom. This is our real work. Its what we have taken birth for. We need to stop seeing others as an ‘object’ in our mind and instead as the ‘subject’ of our heart. This is our work. Every day we are given a curriculum. There’s no blame, it’s not wrong or right, it’s just what you’re given.